Turboception (This snail is STUPID!)
by Wreck-It Ralph
Summary: In which our favorite evil racer watches a movie that stole his name, TURBO. SPOILERS GALORE. But I advise to read it to save your MONEY. This is also how I felt when I watched the movie. Will Turbo like it? Well read to find out.


**Turboception**

_So, this story is Turbo watching the movie "Turbo". His opinions are mine and the way he perceives the film is exactly how I perceived it. WARNING, SPOILERS FOR TURBO. Although I do recommend reading this to save your hard earned money._

**(Turbo POV)**

Well, Today I got up and did my morning routine. I polished my TurboTastic car. I cleaned out my helmet and goggles, I got a new pair of gloves, and I also had my fire suit dry cleaned. Let's see, next I took a shower while listening to "Panama" by Van Halen and then I checked out . "OH COME ON!" I shouted and slammed shut my laptop. "Of course if it's Johnson failing inspections, he gets away with it, but God FORBID if it's Brad Keselowski or Matt Kenseth!" I shouted again and punched my punching bag. On it was a picture of Jimmie Johnson's face. On average I have to replace the picture once every two days. After my workout, I checked Fandango to see what was playing at the Orca Theater. "You've got to be kidding me," I said in disbelief and slapped myself. The Orca had Turbo playing. Oh boy, when I saw the first commercial, I nearly chucked my TV out the window. How DARE they take my name from Disney without permission. But I had nothing better to do the rest of the day and I had already saw that new ass kicking robot movie, "Pacific Rim," so I decided to check out Turbo.

"Hi, how can I help you today sir?" The guy at the ticket gate asked me. I had been here several times in the past and I think one of the employees called him Jordan, but I am not quite sure.

"One adult for Turbo please," I said kindly and dug out some money. I had shown up for the 3D showing so I had to fork over an extra $3. If you ask me, NOT ALL movies have to be in 3D. It's just a stupid gimmick for Hollywood to make more money. So after I paid $12 for my ticket, I got my food from a racing fan who worked here. I think his name is Mason, but again, not quite sure.

"Here we go!" I could here a parent say to their kids. I could tell they were acting. So the movie starts up and we see some French-Canadian guy driving the number 01 Indy Car. I'll tell you, he IS good. So as I am watching this amazing driver, the stupid snail shows up. And he's saying things like, "Here comes the newcomer coming out of turn four for the win!" and other crap like that. It's revealed that he was just suctioning onto the TV screen to make it look like he was racing. How pathetic is that? I know some kids have fantasies while watching sports or movies, but that was stupid.

"Dumb snail," I muttered quietly. So then we have the snail and his brother apparently living in someone's back yard. The main snail wakes up at 2:00 AM! He then 'races' himself and it's revealed it took him 17 minutes to cross a picnic table. He was going off on how 'That's a new record!' Unimpressed Mr. Ryan Reynolds. His brother then tells him that a snail doesn't race and cannot go fast so he should then keep moving on with his life. The snail responds, "I have a life?" Okay that was a pretty good joke, I'll admit. Then 'Theo,' as his brother calls him, whines about wanting to race and how life is unfair. Then he is on an overpass somehow and gets knocked off by a passing Semi. He lans on the hood of a street racing car. The car takes off and 'Theo' falls through the engine and into the NOS tank? "What?" I whispered to myself. Then we see the NOS coursing through his heart and veins.

"Okay that's unbelievable for a kids movie," I could hear someone say sitting next to me. I smirked, glad that I was not the only one unimpressed with this so far. So now, 'Turbo' as he calls himself is testing out his new 200 mph powers that he didn't deserve might I add. Then his brother and him get caught by this chubby mexican dude whose brother owns a taco stand at this place called the Starlight Plaza. 'Tito' sees Turbo's powers and wants to make money on it, of course the selfish little snail is in for it!

"Yeah, that's teaching good morals to kids," I heard a second person say. Then they meet another group of racing snails who try to help Turbo reach full potential. A semi advertising the Indy 500 pulls into the satiation for gas and Turbo races around the logo to tell Tito he wants to race in the Indy 500. After more pointless comedy and boring scenes, they reach the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The animation for that racetrack blew me away. The cars, the drivers, and the track were done exceptionally well. Brave, eat your heart out. So after being rejected for entering the race, Turbo drives around the track at 226 mph, four miles per hour slower than the French-Canadian guy's 230 mph. I didn't know 4 mph slower was fast enough to race. But anyway some 12 year old kid records Turbo going around the track and puts it on YouTube and is an instant sensation. And then, Oh GOD NO! They just broke into a rap song about Turbo saying, "This snail is fast, this snail is fast!"

"That is ridiculous," I said to myself a littler louder. So after one of the worst songs ever made, the CEO of INDYCAR allows Turbo to race. Only after being Peer Pressured by Turbo's group and the media I should add. So then Turbo sneaks into the French-Canadian guy's garage and admires his trophies. The guy discovers Turbo and is kind to him, joking around and telling him how the world loves underdogs. Then adds that he will win the race, not Turbo. Then he threatens to crush Turbo in the race if he continues to go through. Okay, this guy is now the ONLY likable character in this movie. The next day is the Indy 500 and the world is ready to see what Turbo can do. The race begins and he gets passed by everyone because to him it's 'Harder than it looks,' "Give me a break," I heard a third person say. So then, Turbo realizes he can drive under the cars to pass them, which I think is completely and utterly cheating! The real drivers can't even block him! So he gets up to second behind the best character in the movie. Turbo goes to his outside and then he slams his car up against him. I gasped with excitement, hoping that damn snail would be dead. But alas, he is driving on the wall! OKAY THAT IS CRAP! I thought to myself. Turbo then jumps into the guy's tire and shoots ahead of him with the momentum. Luckily, Turbo's shell is damaged and his powers are going away, so he drops back to like 15th, but somehow when he gets going again he is back up to second. He passes the real racer who tries to get back at him by passing in the marbles which is a bunch of tire debris. This causes a huge wreck that takes out the whole field. Turbo's group is frantic as they can't find him. YES, YES, YES! I thought, until they showed Turbo okay, just sitting in front of the melee.

"Let's go Turbo!" Tito said. Turbo's shell was cracked open and his powers were gone. And instead of trying to keep going to prove he can still win it, HE CRAWLS BACK IN HIS SHELL! HE GIVES UP! 'Some motivated underdog,' I thought. That is pathetic, he gets powers that he never deserved and when he loses them, while still having a shot to win, he crawls in his shell to mope. WHAT A LOSER. His brother gives him a pep talk and Turbo decides to keep going. Well the best character, then grabs the front of his car to drag it across the finsih line. NOW THAT IS A MOTIVATED DRIVER! Turbo tries to go as fast as he can, which is not fast at all. I was silently cheering for the French-Canadian guy to win. But the back of his car got caught on a piece of debris and it stopped. He then tries to beat Turbo by running. The vibrations only help Turbo win. He is showered by praise and then brags about winning. Then oh yeah, his powers COME BACK. Then movie ends with him using his powers to race his snail friends.

"That was such a load of garbage," I said to myself as I walked outside. "You know," I said to a guy standing next to me who had the same feeling about the movie, "that is a terrible kids movie. It basically says, you only matter if you're a winner. And he did not deserve to win that race after giving up like that at the end, that was pathetic. I would've rather of had him lose by being a regular snail than win by using powers he didn't deserve," I ranted. The guy nodded and drove away. When I got home, there was a snail in my driveway. I backed my car up and ran it over. "That's a better ending too!" I said.

**The end**

_I know, not one of my better stories, but I couldn't pass this idea up. Turbo had to watch Turbo, And yes, it sucked, especially the ending. To lose powers you didn't deserve in the first place, and then mope about it really shows how selfish and shallow you are._


End file.
